Don't Say Goodbye
by CanaanAlphardForever
Summary: [30] Warning: manga spoiler! Extending on chapter 52 after Krista reveals her past. Krista wants to see Ymir again, but she doesn't want them to say goodbye.


Author's Note: This is a late Christmas present for Turbotail88 ^^

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After delivering the last word of her long explanation of her past, Krista glanced down at her lap with empty eyes. She could feel the pity rolling off of the others, shock joined in with some. Suddenly she didn't feel so hungry, and the thought of eating made her stomach churn. Instead she politely excused herself, her voice barely above a whisper, and left for her room. She could still feel the other's eyes on her back, staring in sympathy. It made her chest burn in anger.

Ymir would never pity her. She would have shrugged and said, so what? That's the past. Focus on the now and take your name, keep it with pride and live for yourself, no one else. Live for your own sake.

But Ymir wasn't there, she had left.

Krista clutched at her chest that ached and slowly walked over to the bed. She felt absolutely empty without Ymir's tall, looming presence. She missed that rough voice and those defiant eyes. She missed Ymir so much.

Why hadn't Ymir taken her with? Didn't she realize that Krista would rather be by her side, more than anything?

But she had gone anyway, and Krista didn't know what to do. Her secret was out and she would mostly likely lose all of the people she cared about. Her friends. Having friends was still a foreign thing, but it was pleasant. Krista realized that Ymir was probably her only real friend, because she was the only one that truly saw her and urged her to embrace her identity and who she was. No one would ever understand Krista the way Ymir did, especially when she was trying to die with an excuse. She needed Ymir to be there, to remind her that she was being selfish when she was acting selfless. To remind her that no one cared if she died. That dying for the sake of her parents under some heroic pretence was stupid. To remind her that she was stupid.

"Ymir…" Krista felt her tears rush back up. She had managed to hold them off until now, but thinking of Ymir the way she did, realizing how much she had grown attached to and depended on the brunette, it make her walls crumble. All she wanted was to just see Ymir one more time. To hug her and cry against her chest, wrapped in her long, strong arms. All of the emotions were rushing back and now Krista had tears streaking down her face, likely not to stop until she cried it all out.

She was so scared, so angry. She didn't want to lose Ymir. Everyone knew about Ymir now, so her return would most definitely ensure her prosecution. But leaving would probably get her killed too. On top of everything else, why did life have to take away the only joy she had ever felt? The only genuine reason for her to smile?

As if life decided to answer, there were suspicious footsteps outside of the window and then a hand slapped against the surface.

Krista startled and sprung off of her bed. Her hand flew to her chest, pressed against it right above her racing heart.

Whoever it was had hunched over and was breathing hard, but when the person caught their breath and glanced up, Krista's entire world froze for a split second before she bolted forward and threw her window open. In seconds she pulled the person inside, and then she gripped onto the front of her shirt and started to sob.

"Ymir!" It was the only word she could formulate between her sudden aching sobs, but she buried her face against Ymir's chest, just as she had wanted to, and felt those arms enclose around her and make her body shiver.

"What are you crying for, idiot? Crying won't change anything."

Krista cried harder, her relief so sudden that it was drowning her. It was pleasuring to her ears to hear the deep rumble of that voice, and the cold realism she had so missed. Eventually, though, her sobs died down to mere sniffles and she could finally get her thoughts into order.

"W-why are you here?" The first question. First of many, but the most important.

Ymir released a long breath. "To see you, why else?"

"R-really?"

Ymir's arms tightened and she gingerly rested her chin atop the blonde's head. "Mm."

The smaller of the two allowed the musky scent of Ymir to fill her senses and calm her, allowed the feel of her lean, warm body to chase her suffocating fears away. For now Ymir consumed her, and for now nothing else mattered. They had both come so close to dying, and it only really hit Ymir then.

"Reiner wanted to let me go, but I rejected the offer. I'm so tired, of life, of this world. I'm dead either way, you know. If I stay, I'll be killed by people within these walls. If I leave, then _they _will have my head. I'm practically fucking dead either way."

"So why did you come back?" Krista herself tightened her grip and buried her face against Ymir's neck, craving to feel more of her warm skin.

"Because I'm fucked either way. I might as well see you one last time, and at least say goodb–"

Krista clapped her hand over Ymir's mouth and moved slightly out of her arms to glare up into her eyes. "Don't you dare say it. I won't let you."

The freckled shifter wrapped her much larger hand around Krista's and gently moved it off of her mouth, but she kept it in her hold and intertwined their fingers. Despite the drastic difference in size, their fingers fit perfectly. At that observation Ymir's chest tightened painfully.

"You know we have no choice, Historia. I can't stay here and I'll need to leave, but when I get back I will die. That's my future right now, and I'm too tired to fight against it."

Krista shook her head, frantic. "No! Please, don't leave. Just don't leave me again."

"I won't just yet. I didn't run all the way over here just to leave right after. I… I want to spend as much time with you as I can."

"How did you find me?"

"Your smell," Ymir smiled slightly, "I don't know how but I could only smell your scent and it led me here. Maybe it's a freak thing."

"You aren't a freak."

"But I'm a monster. A thing you should be repulsed by."

Krista shifted up to press a kiss against the corner of Ymir's mouth. "Then I'm a monster too, so can we be monsters together?"

At that Ymir shuddered violently. She completely engulfed Krista in her arms and hid her face against the blonde's small shoulder. When she started to shake, Krista bit her lip.

"I'm so scared," Ymir said shakily, "I don't want to die. All I've done until now was for my own benefit. To take this second chance and live for myself." She had to pause because her lips were trembling and tears were readily slipping down her face.

Krista could feel each silent sob, and her heart absolutely broke. It was the first time she had seen Ymir cry and it was a heart wrenching scene.

"Then don't die."

"I have no choice. Life is fucking cruel and it enjoys destroying us."

Krista gently lifted Ymir's face and wiped her tears away with her thumbs. It was odd, being the one to wipe foreign tears away, instead of being the one crying and having to be comforted. Among the tears Ymir sported a blush, finally realizing that she was showing her vulnerable side to another person. The only reason she hadn't thrown Krista off of her in anger was because it was _Krista_. The only living person that would look at her face, at her ugly, disgusting, monster face, and still desire to embrace it.

"We can run away. Somewhere far away. Just you and me. You know how the outside world is, Ymir, you can take us somewhere safe. If we run into any titans then you can shift."

Ymir's tears dried up as she considered the idea. It was true. She did know what lied beyond the walls, but it would be very difficult to get somewhere safe enough. Not to mention how dangerous it would be to have Krista with her. But it was appealing. The thought of escaping execution from both sides, to flee with the one person she wanted. It was a nagging, beautiful thought.

"It will be dangerous."

"I don't care."

"We could get eaten or die from hunger. It will take a long while to run far enough where we will be safe."

"Ymir, we're dead either way."

"'We're'?"

"I… won't have you to stop me anymore. I'll have absolutely nothing left to live for."

Ymir snorted. "Don't be stupid, you do," she pressed a hand to Krista's chest. "You live for your own simple happiness."

"But I won't have any happiness on my own, without you." The tears were rushing back, and Ymir could detect it in her voice.

She sighed deeply and then fell back onto the mattress, Krista draped over her body like a living, warm blanket. "Are you really willing to give your life up for me?"

"Yes," Krista responded with conviction. "I'd rather give my life to you than to something meaningless."

"Then I guess I have no choice but to accept your offer."

Krista sat up, excited. "Really? Will we run away together?"

Ymir grumbled and pulled her back down into her arms, missing the warmth that had been bathing her from Krista's body. "We can talk about that later, for now I just want to rest and hold you. Can I do that?"

Krista's heart did a few flips, her stomach following the motion. She snuggled up closer against Ymir and placed a shy kiss against her neck which flustered them both.

"Okay Ymir, we can talk about it later."

And with that, they both fell into a heavy sleep, each clinging desperately to each other.

When morning came and the sun rose, the day was beautiful.


End file.
